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  • Writer's pictureJim Gleeson


NFL PULLS OUT OF NC!! July 23, 2016--Nivar Dam, NC-- Late Friday night the City Council of this growing, formerly small town on the Okcaw River, passed a much needed, but controversial ordinance. The story began last May when thirteen year old, Alton Jackson admitted experiencing intense feelings of belonging to the Roberts family, who lived just a mile away. Alton first told his long time friend Jenny Roberts he was sure he was meant to be her brother, on May 5th. One week later the young man told Nivar Dam's mayor, Carrie Flame, that the fact that the Roberts family was planning its summer vacation in the Grand Teton Mountains had nothing to do with his identification with the Roberts Family. Soon it was discovered, as the story emerged, that three other Nivar Dam younsters, identified with other non-birth families of the growing metropolis. In an interview with the Nivar Dam News, Mayor Flame expressed heartfelt concern for the plight of local pubescent citizens stuck in the wrong families. "We have the obligation," the mayor said, "to stand up for the rights of the trans- family individuals forced to endure lives in families in which they were mistakenly born." On advice from the Family Identity Strike Team (FIST) from the Nivar Dam campus of the University of North Carolina, the mayor and city council took action and adopted the ordinance requiring all families to accept new family members who identified with them. However, as the news spread, and the Trans-family community around the nation heralded the progressiveness of the Nivar Dam City Council, the State's governor was not impressed. A special session was called and the state legislature passed a law allowing families to keep their members at least until they turned eighteen. "Preposterous," screamed indignant Corporations and Sports conglomerates! The over-reaching, transfamphobic Governor needs to wake up! This is the twenty-first century!" The World Federation of Pre-pubescent Beauty Queens (WFPPBQ) immediately threatened to vacate it's scheduled Missy World Pageant that was to be held for the tenth consecutive year in Nivar Dam. "We simply can't be associated with a state that steps on the rights of our Trans-family citizens," said Pierre Per'Versionne, president of WFPPBQ. But the tumult grew to a crescendo when the uber-powerful NFL also threatened to boycott NC. The National Frisbee League's annual Frizzarama and Barbecue would not be held in the state, they announced, "until Governor Bigot (sic) wakes up to the reality that Trans-family individuals deserve to go into the home of their choice!" Since the state will lose hundreds of dollars in revenue if the law is allowed to continue, "trans-fam" backers are confident the governor will cave. The ten million NC family members opposed to the Nivar Dam ordinance could not be reached for comment.

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